My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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