so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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