when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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