I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
