I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
