Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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