Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
