dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
