Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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