My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
