so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
