You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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