I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
