i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
