If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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