She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We need to get me chipped asap
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
