i need an iv and a liver transplant
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
