i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
