i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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