is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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