I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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