How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Randomize
