If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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