I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
