We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
