see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
