If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
