I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
