Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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