i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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