but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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