Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
