What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
