At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
