Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
