Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
