this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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