At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
