The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
