did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
