we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
