She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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