i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
soo... how was my night?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
