the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
