i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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