I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
