I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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