nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
