After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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