margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
