Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
