I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
