I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
